Today is my 9th anniversary of me being in military service now. Hooray. Not quite hooray, though, since exactely yesterday, I was informed tha my current contract will neither be prolonged nor will I ever become a full professional. End of carreer is approaching now, in absolutely exactely 3 years. Of which I may possible spend one year plus in resocialisation, schooling and other not-so-military environments.
So it's over soon. 3 years seem like nothing to me now. What did I do 3 years ago, after all? Came back from a long-term training, reintegrated into my unit, started all the chores in preparation for other long-term engagements which have only recently allowed me back home for good. Time literally flew. The next 3 years will presumably fly as well. But now I see it going somewhere.
Just where is this, after all? I now, only weeks, very few months ago, I ranted about the subjectively perceived lack of freedom in my life. The lies, the double-life, all that stuff about walking a line between to absolutely incompatible worlds. I should be raving-manic-happy about this. Freedom is approaching like the light at the end of the tunnel...
...which is a quite adequate comparison for me right now. After all, this freedom goes along with the death of my career. I never thought this way before (at least not during the last 3 years), but actually, I feel a loss I did not expect to occur.I was very close, recently, to withdraw my applications at least twice. But that's an entirely different issue. Voluntarily saying "Yep, it's over guys!" or being denied something under quite odd circumstances can hardly be compared. After all, it's not a lack of qualifications that denies me the follow-up career. It's also not bad grades in vital trainings, or anything like this.
I am too old.
Heck, a fairly new acquaintance of mine whom I hang around with about once a month just assumed I am only 24 years old. Last year, I was asked for my friggin' ID-card buying beer. And over and over again, when I tried to express my career problems (having no second chance to apply et al, complicated thing) to my superiors, they always (yesh, really always) dropped their chins to the ground acme style when I told them my age.
"No, really i would not have thought... you're kiding, right?"
Honestly? This so f***ing sucks!!!
I am being dismissed for being too old to apply. While every jerk and their neighbors dog think I am barely out of my early twens or late teens.
I am a woman. I should be friggin' happy about this, right? Right now I wonder how long it will take before I either catch up aging in rapid sped (which many folks report simply not to happen) or I start being questioned about ID card fraud.
Heck, yes, I am exaggerating. But this job thing is really getting the best of me right now. I will most likely catch myself fairly quickly. I have a thing with rapidly changing circumstances, remember? I am even already starting to make plans. Not job-related yet, but at least about moving. Somewhere. Just away from the places where I lived the last 16 years. Somewhere... dunno. Maybe where I can find more other Sangs. Or at least cool folks to hang around with. Or anything that distracts me of how sucky I feel right now.
